Where is the line

Jo(e) did a really good post on abuse and what is being done to fight for the survivors of spousal abuse. I, for one, know that abuse is a terrible way for men and women to live, and men, too, come out of abusive relationships, we sometimes forget that. But, there are those relationships where no one hits, or screams, or rapes, or does any of those violent acts, but do things that are controlling, like trying to alienate their spouse from friends and family, or try to stay so involved in every aspect of the abused one's life that soon they are going every where and doing everything with that person, the abuse person. I guess what I'm saying is, there is a fine line between a concerned spouse and a spouse who is trying to control and sometimes, especially during crisis or during moments where there are a lot of things going on, that line gets crossed and once crossed, it is hard as hell to go back. I don't know if you can even go back, I mean, can you go back? Can you get that control back and say stop it, I don't need you to follow me here or go with me there or why are you doing this to me? I mean, do abused women, or are abused women marked, do they, do we, attract only men or women who either want to hit us, rape us, emotionally rape us, or control our lives to the point of suffocation? Life is so hard.