Cauldron

I like books.

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I live in a small town and enjoy writing about the inhabitants. I spend most of my time perusing through used book stores looking for that one great book that I don't have; consequently, I have rooms filled with books. I am a book addict.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Where is the line

Jo(e) did a really good post on abuse and what is being done to fight for the survivors of spousal abuse. I, for one, know that abuse is a terrible way for men and women to live, and men, too, come out of abusive relationships, we sometimes forget that. But, there are those relationships where no one hits, or screams, or rapes, or does any of those violent acts, but do things that are controlling, like trying to alienate their spouse from friends and family, or try to stay so involved in every aspect of the abused one's life that soon they are going every where and doing everything with that person, the abuse person. I guess what I'm saying is, there is a fine line between a concerned spouse and a spouse who is trying to control and sometimes, especially during crisis or during moments where there are a lot of things going on, that line gets crossed and once crossed, it is hard as hell to go back. I don't know if you can even go back, I mean, can you go back? Can you get that control back and say stop it, I don't need you to follow me here or go with me there or why are you doing this to me? I mean, do abused women, or are abused women marked, do they, do we, attract only men or women who either want to hit us, rape us, emotionally rape us, or control our lives to the point of suffocation? Life is so hard.

4 Comments:

Blogger delagar said...

And, especially if you've survived abuse, it's sometimes difficult to judge what's appropiate behavior in a fellow critter -- what's concern, and what's controlling, what's a comment, and what's abuse. I have no idea what the solution is, by the way. More Xanax?

6:01 PM  
Blogger delagar said...

I'm thinking you might think I'm talking about you with that last comment. I wasn't -- I was talking about me & mr. delagar. I just wanted to make that clear!

7:02 PM  
Blogger Mouse said...

my mom's like; I mean she's not a spouse but she's got the same tendencies to control every aspect of my life that she can get her hands on.

9:45 AM  
Blogger OTRgirl said...

The challenge seems to be to find non-abused friends who can help you sift through to figure out if that degree of control is abuse or just the personality of the person you're with. I agree with delagar that it's just hard to figure out what's appropriate if you don't have anything to contrast it?

But on the other hand, it's also hard to find guys who aren't threatened to some degree by independent, strong-willed women. My hubby is the only one I've met, that's why I snagged him and didn't let him go...

1:55 PM  

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