Patriarcy in your pants?

Lately, I've been looking at plastic surgery. You know, my eyes are drooping, my arms have wings, and my thighs sound like a thunder storm. So, I's looking around and I see that women can have cosmetic surgery done on their labias. That's right, if the labia is large, they will cut it down; if it hangs, they will perk it up; and if it doesn't look like what a man might find appealing, they can make it look pretty. Really. Now, I want eye surgery because my lids impair my vision and the bat wings and thighs, well, in the last ten years, I've lost over 300 pounds so you get the ideal that I have skin issues. But to run out and have my most sacred to me parts butchered in the name of the what....yep the p word. hell no.

Oh yeah, women ask for it, we know this is true!

Women do not push buttons to get beat, they don’t do it, they don’t I swear. I know that sometimes in Hollywood there are these movies where some women will just be like these little yappy dogs running behind the strong silent men trying to get them to hit them, but that is a patriarchal stereotype and it is there to convince men and women that some women deserve to be beat. In real life, men who hit don’t need provocation and women who are hit don’t want it, don’t like it, and learn behaviors to try to prevent it, but sometimes you just get so damn tired of being shut up and bullied that you do say something like no or stop or shut up or I didn’t do that you did or supper was ready hours ago and it’s three in the morning, or I ironed that shirt. You see it’s these men who bully women and they bully them and after a while the woman can’t take it and says something back or blows her top and does counter attack.
I remember waking up and hearing him in the bathroom. I looked at the clock and it was two and I pulled the blanket around me and tried to get my breathing back to the deep sleep breathing. He tapped my shoulder and told me to get up and I played asleep and he tapped harder and I said, what. He said get up. I did get up and I did fix him supper and I did join him at the table. He said the food tasted like shit so in my anger and not thinking about what might happen, I grabbed the plate and dropped it and its contents into the garbage can and I said you wake my ass up and I make you food and you don’t like it, fix your own damned food. He said something like you fucking bitch and I said something like you sorry son of a bitch and he slapped me and I slapped him back and that’s when it began.
Later, my arm was dangling; you know how they dangle when the bone has been snapped in to two pieces. My eyes, yes both, were already swelling shut, because you see, I was more concerned with protecting my pregnant belly than my face. My gown was soaked with blood and was sticking to my back from the rug burns on my back caused from him dragging me across the living room carpet. One cop took him outside and the other stood with me, waiting on the ambulance. He kept telling me to sit down but I didn’t want to get blood on the sofa so I stood and if my arm hadn’t hurt, I would have not gone to the hospital.
The cop didn’t ask me what happened, but when the EMTs were loading me in the ambulance, the cop that had talked to my ex said, he really feels badly and I could take him to jail but he’d lose his job and I can’t see how that would help you guys. I’ve seen this stuff and know from experience, it’s just best if you bite your tongue—don’t set him off. Yeah, that’s it, I set him off, I wanted to push his buttons, I wanted to get my face knocked in and my arm broken and my skin peeled off my side, yeah, that’s why men abuse, they are really the victims, they are just so fucking tired of being pushed around that they have to defend themselves. Do ya think?

literacy

I’m involved in a program to increase literacy in the Delta. So, yesterday I head over to the far side of the state, over many roads that were under repair after being washed out from the flood, and landed in the middle of the town with no life. It is the most depressing area that I have ever seen. The woman who is trying to get a literacy council activated has no office and has no education. She is going to teach literacy but has like a year of college. I went to the library and it is a small room with metal shelves. They have computers and while there were young folks there, they were sending emails and not utilizing the books. The town is predominately black, yet most of the blacks are underrepresented in any of the dealings of literacy or, for instance, with what I am doing with the war veterans and their oral stories. I think that in the sixties there was a lynching there too. It is so sad and so depressing and I am hoping that by improving literacy the children of this town have half a chance, but I am skeptical. So, I’m back in my office, and I’m conferencing students—students who have educated parents and have libraries in their homes larger than the library in the small town. Disparity makes me sad.

Books

I can't imagine a home without books but there are many such homes. The really sad thing is that in these homes live children. I wish there was a way to get the state to buy books and put them in the homes of children. Books should be like free lunches. I know we have libraries but not all kids have parents who like going to the library. But if we could put books in their homes and if we advertised how well students who read do in school and college and if we allow them to see reading as important as brushing their teeth, well, I think literacy in our state would zoom.

Some Facts

I voted for Hillary and love Bill and if their daughter should some day run, I will vote for her too. I am not opposed to Obama on any ground other than his lack of experience. There are other things, like I don’t like the crawfish. Also, I think our underwear needs to be kept under our clothes, under…wear. I also am not a big fan of sports and when my students try to get me to understand the concepts behind making a goal or touchdown, I glaze over. I am happy that I don’t care that my butt is big and I never pull my shirt down to cover my ass. I don’t wear deodorant or perfumes because I am allergic and, surprisingly, I don’t stink. I like sugar free Jell-O and tried to mix it with peanut butter and made a huge fucking mess. If I could be any animal in the world, it would be an elephant…any bird, well that would be the hawk…any fish, well, that would be stingray and I suppose that if I had to choose an insect, well, it would be the butterfly. I like flowers but they belong outside and I love mountains and will never live on the flat lands again. I freak out when I go over large bodies of water and am afraid the bridge will fall. My only wish is that I would have had more time with my mother, I miss her. The only time she ever said she loved me was the day before she died and she only said after I, feeling her end to be near, said, Mama, I love you. I, on the other hand, tell my children and grandchildren on a daily basis that I love them more than life, which I do. If I could change anything about me it would be lungs, I need new ones. Oh, and living in Alaska, I think, would be cool.

There Will Be Dollars

I’m teaching over the summer. Yeah! This is especially good news since I was thinking that I might have to do something really crappy like greet at Wal-Mart. Yeah, getting to teach over the summer. I asked for comp I and an early morning class. Who knows what I will get but I will not complain. Happy, happy am I.

I'm home

I drove to New Orleans for the conference because of the tear in the lung and not being able to fly or scuba dive or deep sea dive or jump out of a plane or go deep into a cave. Now when the doctor was telling me all of these things, I thought he was crazy. Do I look like a risk taker? But, the flying was a bummer, so we drove to NO and I had a blast. I loved the parties, loved the food, loved the conference, and loved it all. By the way, the paper that I co-wrote with the esteemed professor with many credentials, many books published, and holds a fancy chair, went well. Afterwards, the questions were all directed at us and after the questions stopped, many people came over to discuss my work in the Delta. Afterwards, I went to another panel's presentation and then had many drinks, which I did between sending Mr. Zelda off in search of food. Yep, sneaky drunk that I am, I managed to drink muchos and hubby not even know, well, not until we started back to our hotel and I kept stumbling and saying things like, my face is numb and do I have my shoes on. Oh, and on the way back, we almost took a tour through the swamps, but, alas, I had a hangover and when I looked at the water before stepping onto the boat, I became ill. The man laughed and said something like, "Oh, you not like the water?" I smiled and thought, nope, not the water, the mixture of rum and coke, wine, and some drink which was so good that I asked for two at a time. So, I'm home now, and working like a mad woman on my thesis and trying to get my papers for my classes done. I can do this, I know I can.