I like books.


I live in a small town and enjoy writing about the inhabitants. I spend most of my time perusing through used book stores looking for that one great book that I don't have; consequently, I have rooms filled with books. I am a book addict.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

The Destruction of Iraqi's people

My friend is from Iraq, and he is in this country to get a Masters degree. Last year he and I became more than just casual friends, meaning, we talked about our families and other things, but this year, we are confidants, as much as we can be with our cultural and linguistic differences. He understands about 75 percent of my English and I understand about 95 percent of his English. I don’t know if that is good or bad. Today, I saw him and he looked like he has lost weight, and he certainly had an air of worry to his facial expression. I asked him about his family and he began to tell me how worried he is for his family, how they can’t leave their home, not just because of the fear of what the radical right wing religious groups would do, but also what the American soldiers would do to them too. He said that while Americans think we are over there creating a democracy, we are really over there stirring up trouble between the religious zealots, the Iraqis, and the Arabs, all who want control of the country. Those citizens who just want to live are caught in the middle. I asked him when he goes back will he teach and he said that all professors, scientists, and any other professionals are being killed. He said his brother’s neighbor, who was the major, was cut open with large swords and left on his family’s doorsteps and a warning was given to leave the body or more would die, so for days the body lay in the desert heat, decomposing while his family had to go about business as usual until finally they were allowed to bury him. My friend is very sad and worried about his family and his country. He is also being harassed by ignorant ass holes around here who think he is a terrorist because he is from Iraq. He was even told not to discuss the conditions in Iraq that there are too many students at our university who will rat him out and he could face deportation or his family could face repercussions. When we were talking, I realized that his is probably the first time that I have truly been so ashamed of the country of my birth, that I am ashamed of what we have done to his country and his people and if folks in this country are so damned ignorant to think that we are creating a safe democratic country over there, they need to talk to people who are from there, who still have family members there, and get the truth. My heart is so heavy for my friend and I am going to have him over for food at my house and have some of my friends over and let him know that we are not all ignorant in this country.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

What the fuck, I'm eating potato soup

It’s here, no they’re here. Yep, saw them, ran into them, they ran into me, saw them on the street, at the school, and even, yes, the food court at the mall. Man who dresses these kids and how old are they? So, having said that, no further explanation needed, right? Anyway, bought my books, love buying books, no matter what, and don’t care if they are text books, love it. Mine, over 350 bucks and almost all are used. No biggey, that’s my new thing, no biggey. If I say it enough, I might believe it; plus I’m getting manic, the cycle must go on. My mom used to believe that babies were marked while still fetuses, hell even embryos and she swore that when she was just pregnant with me ( that meaning only a few months or weeks), a wolf chased her, which I doubt, probably a collie, but then I read about Lyacon, and maybe she was right, maybe my bi polar is really a mark, you know, the metamorphosis from depressed to normal to manic and my all time favorite super mania. Yep, that’s what I cycle when I cycle and it ain’t fun, I ain’t having no kind of fun.

So back to my point. Here on the hill, well it’s like going to New York to some of these folks in rural Arkansas, no shit. So, they bring their funky kids to the hill for college and the entire fucking family tags, yep, cousins, siblings, grandmas’, and everyone in between, and they get their little freshmen all settled, yep, settled, that’s what it’s called here in Arkansas, moving is settled, and then they all go to the mall because everyone fucking knows that J.C.Penny’s at this mall is so much better than the one in the Fort, or down in the swamps; or even Wal-Mart, so much nicer stuff they have on their shelves here on the hill so let’s go disturb the town’s folks who have to shop on Saturday and let’s walk around looking at the bright lights, let’s allow our children to go nuts and run up and down the escalators almost knocking down the locals until one of the locals fear that one of the children might actually fall and get hurt, lose fingers, and she (that be me) says in a mean tone, stop that running before you fall and lose your fingers on those stairs that move. So I ruin their fun. Am I bitter? Nah. I will wait, things settle down, and soon, those little freshmen will acclimate, they will assimilate, they will be one with their new home.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Where is the line

Jo(e) did a really good post on abuse and what is being done to fight for the survivors of spousal abuse. I, for one, know that abuse is a terrible way for men and women to live, and men, too, come out of abusive relationships, we sometimes forget that. But, there are those relationships where no one hits, or screams, or rapes, or does any of those violent acts, but do things that are controlling, like trying to alienate their spouse from friends and family, or try to stay so involved in every aspect of the abused one's life that soon they are going every where and doing everything with that person, the abuse person. I guess what I'm saying is, there is a fine line between a concerned spouse and a spouse who is trying to control and sometimes, especially during crisis or during moments where there are a lot of things going on, that line gets crossed and once crossed, it is hard as hell to go back. I don't know if you can even go back, I mean, can you go back? Can you get that control back and say stop it, I don't need you to follow me here or go with me there or why are you doing this to me? I mean, do abused women, or are abused women marked, do they, do we, attract only men or women who either want to hit us, rape us, emotionally rape us, or control our lives to the point of suffocation? Life is so hard.

Sunday, August 06, 2006

I'm tagged

I was tagged, the first time ever to be tagged. It was Chica Mama who did the dirty deed so here goes, not sure I can put my best foot forward, but here goes.

1. one book that changed your life?
The first book was Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Suess, that was the book that I learned to read and it was my very first and only book that I owned, well, when I was a preschool. The next one was Anne Frank’s Diary, I was young and it made me see things differently. Gave me a view of how crazy man can be and how cruel man can be. There are so many but another life changing book was The Odessy, it gave me an interest in mythology.

2. One book that you have read more than once?
Oh my, I read so many more than once. I have read Larry McMurtry’s Lonesome Dove at least four times. I never tire of Little Women, or Little House in the Big Woods, or The Good Earth. The Clan of Cave Bear. I can tell you there are so many, but those are a few.

3. One book you would want on a desert island? Probably Lonesome Dove, silly I know, but it is so entertaining and his characters are so life like.

4. One book that made you laugh? Carmello by Sandra Cisnero. Very funny and true to life.

5. One book that made you cry? Lonesome Dove. Of Mice and Men

6. One book you wish had been written? Pride and Prejudice

7. One book you wish had never been written The left behind books.

8. One book you are currently reading? Ovid and The Popol Vuh. I know, what am I thinking

9. One book you have been meaning to read? There are too many.

Tag 5 people to do the meme: Mouse, you’re it, Delagar, you too, Mike, if you are here, do it, Dragon Fly quit your lurking and get busy doing this thing, and finally Otrgirl. Go, I say, and do the meme.

She Took The Baby

Last Monday, someone knocked on our door. It was a small knock, like the one the Gardner uses when he is going to tell us he is trimming near the door, to not worry. He says that, “I trim close to door, not worry.” So, my Mr. Zelda opens the door and it’s my daughter and my heart was so happy to see her but my brain went on alert. I should have ordered her away, I should have took the baby and hid in my room; instead, I watched as she came down the hall way, not speaking, not smiling, just looking for her son.
He was sitting in his little chair eating and she sat next to him and he was shy, not sure about her, but he did say, Mommy.”
After he ate, I told her we had to leave, but she wanted to give him a bath and so we said okay and Mr. Zelda went upstairs to get the medicine for his bath water and run the water and she was standing with the baby at the bottom of the stairs and in a second, she ran out the door and drove off. Mr. Zelda almost caught her, she almost ran over him, and the baby was in the front seat, no seat belt, not car seat, and he was calling out for granddad and almost in the floor board. WE haven’t seen him since. Everyone is looking, I go every day and every night and drive around hoping she will show up at one of her friend’s homes or at her own house or that I will see her at a casino or bar or someplace where I know she frequents. Our lawyer has the judge putting out some kind of special contempt of court ruling and her lawyer said he has talked to her, but she is not answering her cell, not even for her probation officer. I know she loves the baby, I know she won’t intentionally harm him. I even know that if she is going to fall asleep, she will attempt to block off an area to keep him as safe as she can, but he will be alone with her sleeping. She didn’t take his medicine, she didn’t take any clothes, he was in a diaper, that’s all, he is fair, very fair and requires sun block and likes to have his feet rubbed when he falls asleep and needs to have hugs every morning and wants eggs, hard cooked eggs, and she doesn’t know all of this. I know this could be worse, there are women and men and nanas and granddads every minute suffering over missing children taken by strangers; I’m lucky, she loves him. But, I am so sad, my heart is so broken, and a part of me is gone. It would be nice if she was going to give up drugs, but this is all over the judge ordering her to have a hair follicle test before she could have unsupervised visitation, a test she can’t fake. Hopefully we will have him back soon, like tomorrow. Our next option is to put out a reward for any information that leads to bringing him back to us; but our attorney is not recommending that because he said it might scare her out of state and once she is out of state it is much more difficult to enforce child custody orders. I’m drinking coffee and getting ready to go out again, hoping to see her. I understand that he is her son and she had to miss him and wanted to see him, I so can understand that and would probably have done the same; what I don’t understand is why not just give up the drugs and get him back legally?