Cauldron

I like books.

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I live in a small town and enjoy writing about the inhabitants. I spend most of my time perusing through used book stores looking for that one great book that I don't have; consequently, I have rooms filled with books. I am a book addict.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

It's going to get really ugly

I have an appointment with a lawyer, one who thinks without a doubt that he can get me emergency custody of my grandson. The bridge is now officially burned, my daughter will hate me for sure and things can never be mended. Her drug use is out of control; my son is not living with her any longer, so the baby has to be removed. If I don’t get him today, I am calling social service and have them get him. I’m relieved that I am taking this step forward, that I am doing something to save my grandson. In the past, I have waited, I have not wanted to alienate my daughter, mostly because I still love her, but also if I don’t get the baby, she can keep him from me forever, she can go out of state and criminals in other states may not be as tame as the ones around here and that would put the baby at even greater risk. So there is and was a fine line that I had to consider, but now, I just can’t do it any longer. I have a presentation due, and the stress of not knowing what is going on with my grandson, or who is watching him, or if he is being cared for is killing me. I can’t think or work or smile or anything. I am dying inside. I have to rescue him. The sad thing is, my daughter loves her sons, she really does, and when I take this baby from her it’s going to kill her. It will, but I can’t let her destroy Buttons’ life. I just can’t. He deserves to be clean and fed and held and read to and played with and taken to the movies, to the park, to the museums, to the zoos, and all she does is take him to her druggy friends house where they smoke pot, do crank, and let him wonder around and play all alone. It’s a sad day when I have to pick between the most important people in my life, my daughter’s happiness or my grandson’s safety. When I was pregnant with my son and my daughter wasn’t even a year old, I had these nightmares that I was crossing over the Arkansas River and the bridge broke and I was in the water and my baby girl and the other baby, the one still inside of me, were both crying for me to rescue them, I could only save one, and I had to decide. I couldn’t decide, I couldn’t save either one because I loved them both so much. Well, I feel like by taking my grandson, I am going to push my daughter over the edge and may lose her for ever, not just metaphorically lose her but truly lose her. While the decision is easy, of course I will fight to save my grandson, it is still a very painful decision. For any mother who has a daughter and that daughter was at one time so close and so loving and then to lose her to drugs and watch her slowly kill herself, well it’s probably one of the worse things that can happen. But today, I am going to save Buttons. If the judge will listen to my son and me, and if the judge will see that Buttons is worth saving, how can he not see this? Today is going to be the worst day of my life. The battle has begun.

4 Comments:

Blogger delagar said...

It sucks, sucks, sucks. Good luck.

6:44 AM  
Blogger Mike said...

Wow. Good luck, Zelda.

8:14 AM  
Blogger Mouse said...

I'm so sorry yo have to do that... Good Luck.

8:19 AM  
Blogger zelda1 said...

Thanks everyone. I know, it really sucks. But, I think we will win, it's just the inbetween time and what is going to happen in the future. If and I hope so, if she gets her life together and gets him back, what will she do? Will she do like she is doing now and hold a grudge and say I can't ever see him? It's so hard.

7:24 PM  

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