I like books.


I live in a small town and enjoy writing about the inhabitants. I spend most of my time perusing through used book stores looking for that one great book that I don't have; consequently, I have rooms filled with books. I am a book addict.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

It snowed!

Yesterday morning, I was up at five and I noticed snow beginning to fall and it fell all day long, it was so beautiful. We had to run down the mountain to a thing with our friends and while it was only snowing a little as we left the mountain, on our way back, we began to see heavy snow fall. The roads were clear but the snow was falling fast. When we got out of the car and came inside, I left Mr. Zelda down stairs and my son was fast asleep, and I went up to the play room, the play room that we have fixed up for Buttons for when we get him and we will get him, and I opened the blinds and sat in the chair that he uses to stand in to watch the train pass, and I watched the snow and wished he were here watching it with me. His froggy is here and his donkey, those are the animals he sleeps with and the last time she came and got him, she didn’t even bother to take them. I haven’t seen him in over two weeks. Truthfully, I don’t even know where she is or who she is with, but the state social service is going to find her through her probation worker and through the welfare system. It won’t be long now, or so they keep telling me. What I want more than anything in this world is for her to be drug free and rational again, and for her to be a good mother. I love my grandchildren but I am 51 and don’t want to raise another child unless I have to, and it looks like, until she decides to give up the drugs and her drug friends, I am going to not only raise him but it looks like she may be pregnant again. The last time I talked to her, I warned her about doing drugs while she is pregnant, and how important it is to take her thyroid while she is pregnant and she told me to mind my own fucking business. I wonder if there is some point when a person who has done drugs for so long a time totally loses their ability to reason and if they do, I wonder if it can ever come back. I mean, if she stops doing drugs, can her brain ever recover? I don’t think so, I know a woman my age, who brags about her drug past of using Meth for years and how her children were raised by their father’s families. Three children, three different sets of grandparents and the two boys have ended up in prison for various crimes, one murdered a guy, the other was a car thief, the girl seems to have done well, but her grandparents were good stable people. My point, this woman still battles with drug abuse, and goes on binges where she does nothing but Meth. And then she tries to re-enter life again, trying to regain what she lost. I’m afraid that is how my daughter will be. I hope if she is pregnant, and she decides not to have an abortion, I hope she has enough sense to get a tubal ligation after this one is born. I hope she refrains from drugs while she is pregnant, but the way she is acting, I don’t think she will, and hopefully when she goes to trial over the stolen merchandise stuff being found in her possession, I hope they lock her up and that might make the baby she is carrying have a healthier environment, it might even get her in a drug rehab. I wish it would snow some more.


Blogger jo(e) said...

What a difficult situation -- all the stuff with your daughter.

I am thinking of you.

5:47 PM  
Blogger zelda1 said...

jo(e) thanks.

2:59 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home