Peanut butter and crackers.

My favorite food is peanut butter; I could live on it night and day. I think it comes from the days and days when I was a child and Mama and I ate peanut butter and crackers for our noon snack. The older children were in school and she was expecting my sister. So, after lunch and when it was almost nap time, she and I would sit on the sofa, watch the soap operas and eat commodity peanut butter and saltines. I don’t remember much if any conversation, mostly she would spread the peanut butter on the cracker and hand to me. Sometimes, we wouldn’t have crackers and she would dip a big spoon for me and one for her and we would sit and eat the peanut butter by itself. Before she died, we were all standing around her bed, I was a child. I remember knowing that she was going to die and feeling the need to tell her that I loved her and so I did, it was the first time that I ever said that to her and to my surprise she said she loved me too, and that was the only time I remember ever hearing her say those words. Then she began to slip into and out of consciousness and the last thing that I heard her say was peanut butter. I don’t know if she wanted peanut butter or was thinking about the days on the sofa, or if it was just a word, I will never know, but I like to think she was remembering our time on the sofa, eating peanut butter and saltines.