I get scoped, get valium, and maybe get answers

The sun is out and the snow is meltingL I really hate it but we can’t stay penned up in this house for ever. So today, I go back to school, and hopefully the ice on the roads will be all melted away. Tomorrow, the doctor is going to do one more test, he says it’s to find the exact locations of the ulcers that I have and see if he can determine if they will respond to non-invasive treatment. Something about staging them or something. He thinks, or so he says, that the ulcers are causing my stomach to rebel, so that when I drink or eat, instead of the food going to the area where the ulcers are located, the food tries to come back up, I haven’t noticed that, but he says that is why I am keeping pneumonia, that I am aspirating stomach contents. Gross! He says that once we get rid of the ulcers, well, my digestion will improve and the frequent pneumonia will subside. I asked him if it was acid reflux and he said, not in the sense we normally see that kind of thing. So, I’m thinking he really doesn’t know, and I wish he would just say, “I don’t know.” So, tomorrow morning, they are going to scope me. I’ve had that done numerous times, since I have had these ulcers for years. Anyway, they spray my throat with this local anesthetic, which gags me and taste real bitter, then, now this is the part that I like, they give me IV valium. Yep, it feels real good for about five minutes, and while I am not giving a big hoot about anything, they insert a tube into my stomach through my mouth and esophagus, and when that doctor is finished, another doctor will insert a tube into my lungs and look. It’s all quite sickening, but I’ve had these procedures done many times, it goes with the asthma and the ulcers. So, after these procedures the docs will confer and decide if they need to do surgery or if strong meds will help or just what. I’m going for the surgery. This pain is getting worse and I am not liking that the only real food that I can eat is pop tarts. Oh sure, I can eat others, but I pay for it at the end of the day, well more like when I go to bed. The doc did say that all caffeine drinks will have to go, well, I say, I can do that, I have cut down, and I am basically a water drinker, so I can do that. Anymore when I drink coffee, the pain gets to me anyway. So just when I think I have come into my own, I have to give up the one thing I love as much as I love cheese cake. Coffee. This all sucks. But on the bright side, if there is a bright side, once they fix the ulcers, I should be able to eat raw vegetables again. See, there’s a good thing. And I can eat fruit again, another good thing. There is always a good thing that comes out of bad. Fuck, I’m beginning to sound like Pollyanna.