Can you hear me?

Okay, I have always been a little hard of hearing. Like in a crowded room, I hear nothing but a buzzing sound. I can only hear high pitches and never base or baritone sounds. I must be facing the person who is talking to me and usually don’t hear the last couple of words spoken from a sentence. I have known this but it is becoming a problem. So, I go to the EENT guy and he has my ears tested and they do this sound wave thing and an ultrasound of my ear. Wow that was really weird. It turns out that my mom isn’t to blame for all of my hearing loss. You see, I had ear infections that went untreated and most of the time my tympanic membrane would just rupture. So, I assumed that was why I was so hard of hearing. Not so, my mom is off the hook. I have a congenital defect that has caused my hearing loss. The doc says that I have probably been this deaf since I was in my teens and that I will only get worse. He says that in a year or maybe ten or maybe twenty, if I live that long, I will be stone deaf. Fuck, how can that be. How can I really really be going deaf? I am going back in a week to have my ears molded for hearing aides and he says that will help but eventually nothing will help. Now, my eyes are bad, my back is bad, my knees are shot…I have no removable organs left, and I think my toenails have a fungus. Now, now, now, I am really going deaf! Not that it is news to me, I have been saying “what” for years, but to hear it from someone. By the way, people who work in this clinic, well they all talk facing you and loudly. So, I heard every word they said, not like my shrink who is a low talker or my ortho guy who is also a low talker. I suppose I should be depressed about the bad news, but I am just happy that the hearing aides will help for a while. I saw a sign in the waiting room of the clinic, it was a quote by Helen Keller and while I can’t remember the exact quote it went something like this: Blind people lose touch with things, but deaf people lose touch with humanity. I wonder if that is true. When I can’t hear another voice or another bird or another song, will that separate me from the rest of the humans. IN some cases, that will be good, but other cases, not so good. I am not depressed, I am okay with this. I am looking forward to getting big pink hearing aides.